Mid-Life
Perception: It's Your View That Counts
By Craig Nathanson
This is the third in a ten-part series
exploring the "Ten P" model developed by Craig Nathanson,
The Vocational Coach,
to help mid-life adults discover and do what they love.
When Murray and Heather Rand of Canada sold their
St. Thomas, Ontario, home and moved permanently aboard their sailboat, lots of
people - including their children - thought they were crazy.
The fact that
they'd never sailed before, prior to buying the 16-foot
craft that fueled their
adventure, didn't bother them a bit. Murray and Heather
loved sailing. They
decided that sailing mattered most. So after several intensive sailing lessons,
they were on their way. They agreed: If it's your dream, go sooner rather than
later. Life can change at the drop of a hat, they thought, and life was too
precious to be wasting precious time heeding other people's
disapproval.
When former software engineer Bonnie Vining was
told by her boss to stop smiling so much at work because it was a sign of
weakness, she decided that it was definitely time to leave her job and follow
her dream. Bonnie wanted to own her own coffee shop, where folks could gather
and enjoy each other's company and, without being
self-conscious, smile as much
as they liked. Like Murray and Heather's family and
friends, Bonnie's co-workers
thought Bonnie was being too much of a dreamer. But she
didn?t let the naysayers
stop her. Today people can visit Bonnie in Tucson, Arizona, serving up a cup of
Joe at her own place, Javalina's Coffee and
Friends.
And then there's Japanese
national Tamah Nakamura,
who reached mid-life with an established position as a tenured university
professor. Other people thought the position was just right for Tamah. But there
was only one problem: Tamah didn't agree. She soon left
the walls of academe to
follow her heart. Today, she teaches courses on how dance and music can help
people honor and care for their bodies.
Perspective and our
work
Throughout our working lives, we get the
"privilege" of hearing what other people think about us.
Comments are often
focused on our work and how we perform. Usually our performance evaluations are
a reflection of the "What have you done for me lately?"
syndrome.
If we are lucky, there may be a brief section on
suggestions for development. Be we're hardly encouraged to
follow our hearts.
Development advice at work is geared toward what the organization needs and
wants us to do next - for them.
A funny thing happens on the way to
mid-life
When we hit mid-life, we often stop caring as much
about what others think of us. Instead, many of us start to focus inward so we
can ask the difficult but critical question: How do we feel about our selves and
our work?
Mid-life demands an honest self-assessment. Who are
you? What is most important? What are you most passionate
about? These are the
questions we start asking. And if we aren't asking these
questions, we should
be.
The beautiful thing about self-assessment is that
if you don't like your own perspective of yourself, you
change it. This is not
so easily done with how others perceive you.
Musts vs.
should-haves
Mid-life is a time to shed the external
should-haves (I should stay in my corporate job. I should pursue the next
promotion. I should move to a bigger house to convey my status.) and focus on
the all-important "musts" for your life (I must do what I
enjoy. I must take
control of my life' direction). So much of this relates to
the work we do. A
strong self-image is essential to defeat both the external
"should-haves" and,
more importantly, to put into motion the "musts."
Murray and Heather did this when they sold their house and set sail on a new life adventure. Tamah and Bonnie did this by giving up "prestigious" jobs to follow their dreams. They all ignored the pressure to do what they should have and instead found the courage to do what they must.
In mid-life, it's your self-perception that counts
the most and you'll need a healthy one to create an even
greater second half of
life. Understand what your musts are, and steel yourself against the onslaught
of family, colleagues, and well-meaning friends who will pressure you to follow
the should-haves. It's your life, and it's never too late to start living it.
Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, is the
author of "P is for Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day,"
by Book Coach Press.
He publishes the free monthly e-zine, "Vocational Passion in
Mid-life." Craig
believes the world works a little better when we do the work we love. He helps
those in mid-life carry this out. Visit his online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com
where you can sign up for his monthly tele-class, "How to
make money and meaning
in mid-life," join an action group, or get private coaching.
Craig's next book,
"Mid-life Passion: How to FINALLY Discover and Do What You
Love" is due out in
early
2006.
|
Privacy policy
| ||||||||||||