Is your life’s purpose for
sale?
There is no purpose too big or too small
There is no purpose too big or too small
By Craig Nathanson
Meet Joe. He’s a middle-aged bridge toll-taker in
the San Francisco Bay Area. In a recent interview, Joe said he loves the role he
has filled for the last 12 years. The job suits his purpose. He said: "If I can
help someone start their day off right in the few seconds when they are handing
me [the toll], I feel I have made a difference in the day and life of another
person."
Meet Mel. He’s a veteran New York City street
sweeper who works through the night clearing away the previous day’s debris. Mel
ran into Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, one morning after Craig’s run in
Central Park. Mel said: "Nothing makes me happier than making sure no one has to
step on garbage when they start out their day on my street." He has been
sweeping the same four square city blocks for 30 years.
Meet Minna Valentine, a.k.a. "The Reading Doctor."
A past client of Craig’s, she’s a former marketing executive who ditched the
corporate world to teach English as a second language. This is her take on the
changes she made in her vocational path: "Teaching others makes me feel like I
am contributing to something worthwhile."
Joe, Mel, and Minna each go to work every day
knowing they will make a difference to someone. They are grateful to be able to
do so. There are many so-called high achievers earning six-figure salaries that
cannot make that claim.
Why is living with purpose critical in
mid-life?
In mid-life, many people find themselves suddenly
questioning everything - careers, lifestyles, and priorities. Nothing is spared
from this examination, although few will discuss their fears.
Often it takes a personal crisis - a layoff, a
death, or a divorce - to move people from introspection to action. When these
events occur, they open up a small window of opportunity to challenge everything
and consider a new course.
Inner questioning is critical in mid-life. If a
person hopes to achieve greater meaning and self-fulfillment, things are never
easy. It requires courage and a leap of faith.
Craig speaks from experience. A few years ago, he
came home from his six-figure job and announced to his family that he was
quitting. He no longer found meaning and fulfillment in what he was doing. That
was his first leap of faith.
How do I find and live with
purpose?
Finding the "meaning of life" is not self-indulgent
or cliche. It is the essence of why we are here. If there is no meaning, then
what is the point of existence? In order to create a path toward meaning, in our
jobs and in our lives, we need to begin with an evaluation process that
challenges.
- Fill in the blank: "The purpose of my life is …"
Keep saying it until you find an answer. Then write it down.
- Make an honest self-assessment of your current
state. Exclude external input or validation. Are you driven? A procrastinator?
Happy? Sad? Energetic? Lethargic? Generous? Selfish? Adventurous? Conservative?
Etc.
- Define the experiences you need now to feel fully
alive. Then, develop a plan to have those experiences. Do you want to travel to
China before you turn 50? Have you always wanted to sing in front of a large
audience? Have you always wanted to study to become a chef? Have you always
wanted to run a marathon? Etc.
- Define exactly what you’re passionate about and
where you want to make a contribution. Is it music? Teaching? Sports?
Photography? Cooking? Academics? Etc.
- Define what is most important to you. Then, set
short- and long-term goals that are aligned with these priorities. Without a
clear path, goals are mere daydreams. Set up a process to monitor your
progress.
- Define the new experiences that you must have to
add a greater sense of meaning and fulfillment to your life. Do you need to
start cooking more? Traveling? Taking classes? Skydiving? Etc.
- Define your beliefs about yourself. Then, change
the ones that are no longer useful. Do you believe you are deserving of doing
what you love? Or do you believe that work is not meant to be fun and
meaningful?
Dr. James Hollis, a scholar on philosopher Carl
Jung and a writer on mid-life issues, said that as we grow older, both meaning
and purpose become equal. Both are needed to thrive. Also, Jung wrote that early
in life, meaning is derived through preparation for living. In later years,
meaning is derived through an examination of the inner self.
What are the results of living with purpose
in mid-life?
Victor Frankl, a Nazi death camp survivor, believed
that the urge of human beings to search for meaning is inborn. Researcher Martin
Bolt said that having meaning and a defined purpose in a person’s life makes it
possible to accept one’s own mortality with less fear of death and a greater
sense of life’s plans and their meaning.
Mid-life adults with purpose can
experience:
- A greater sense of integrity and
authenticity;
- An experience of being more alive;
- An increased feeling of contribution;
- Stronger health and psychological wellbeing;
- A life that’s more congruent;
- An acceptance of their own mortality and, as a result, less fear of death and a greater sense of their life plans and their meaning;
- A feeling of greater control over their lives and a feeling that their life matters;
- An increased sense of self-esteem and happiness.
- An experience of being more alive;
- An increased feeling of contribution;
- Stronger health and psychological wellbeing;
- A life that’s more congruent;
- An acceptance of their own mortality and, as a result, less fear of death and a greater sense of their life plans and their meaning;
- A feeling of greater control over their lives and a feeling that their life matters;
- An increased sense of self-esteem and happiness.
Is this enough incentive for you?
You can discover and live a more purposeful life
now. Don’t simply surrender to a world that will continue to rent your skills to
suit its purposes. A greater second half is possible if you take action
now!
Remember Mel, Joe, and Minna? What connects them is
that neither fits into a conventional definition of success. Yet pursuing
conventionally defined success has led so many people on a journey that ends
with disappointment and a crisis of introspection that Mel and Joe probably
haven’t experienced. Minna, in contrast, is a good - and unfortunately rare -
example of someone who pursued conventional success, found it wanting, and then
had the courage to make a change that didn’t lead to material riches. But her
life itself was made richer.
Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, works with
those over 40 to discover and do the work they love. He is the author of "P Is
For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day," by Book Coach Press. He publishes the
free monthly e-zine, "Vocational Passion in Mid-life." Craig believes the world
works a little better when we do the work we love. Visit his online community at
http://www.thevocationalcoach.com
where you can sign up for his monthly
Tele-class.
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