Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Friday 04/04/97
I feel fear when somebody ignores security precautions that
I would have taken.

When someone's actions disturb my peace of mind, I want to stop them.
Theoretically, the correct solution is to learn to stay peaceful, but I don't
always succed in that.
*
If you worry about readiness about a future event (even though you are
prepared), imagine that the event will not happen.

Tried this with a work meeting, 10 minutes boss came in and said "Meeting is
rescheduled for next week" (!)
*
If some information reaches me, but I do not have a strong reaction, this could
mean that it does not exist in my reality.
*
Shakespeare: "Dreams are chief nourishers in life's feast."
*
Feeling that loops: "I should be doing that, but I don't want to, but I should,
but I don't want... repeat".
*
Rotten feeling - when I feel that I am doing more than I want to, and get
appreciated less than I want.
This feeling could be strengthened by unrealistic expectations.
*
Price for accepting the blow quietly - this minute I pretend
I wasn't hurt, next minute, in new conversation I automatically strike out
at other person.

Monday 04/07/97
"I am kind".
There is a strong inner resistance when I tell this to myself.
Counter-arguments come up.
They refer to past experiences.
But kindness is a quality, state of soul.
Let's admit that I am innately kind.
I admit it!

"I am kind"
"I am knid.." - ha, I am mis-spelling as I type - this could mean that conflict
exists, there is no 100% confidence.

I want to be kind, I want to consider myself a kind person.
I need to decide that I am kind once and for all.

And not just kindness, also good looks and sense of humor.
(Feeling uncomfortable as I write this - what will *they* say?).

I admit my creativity, fun, being easy-going, laziness, instant reaction,
musical ear, good voice, writing skills, incredible force of my focused energy,
the fact that I deserve love and that I am capable of loving.
(feeling resistance again!)

I want to love and to have someone in my life.
I want to give emotions and gifts, sing to her, caress her, tell her stories,
look at her beauty, stare in her eyes, walk together, hold hands, reach the
sky and come back, meet in lucid dreams, dream together, talk, think, argue a
little, understand, share each other's feelings...