Wednesday 10/09/96
Conflict in decision making: on one hand, it's more useful
to make up my mind and then tell others. On the other hand,
deciding is hard and I am tempted to get somebody else make
the choice for me.

For example, I need to make some product recommendations for
my boss. If I bring all alternatives to him, he'll ask what
my preference is - but I don't have one, the reason I came
to him is because I don't know what to choose.
*
Observation the beginning of unresourceful state:
What should I do next?
Got some chores.
But I don't feel like doing them!
Guilt that I am not doing what I should blocks the
thinking, no other thoughts come, breathing gets shallow.
So, I do something that doesn't require thinking - like
checking email.
*
At the meeting, if I talk slowly and thoughtfully, other
people may get involved in discussion, instead of just
blanking out.

Thursday 10/10/96
There's extre attention to other's opinions, when I am in
apathy. Pwehaps this is an attempt to find a new goal to
move toward.
Noticed that when I have a clear goal, I don't bother to
think how others may feel about it.
*
Best ideas come up when I stop thinking about it on foreground,
but background is still active.
*
Found a new software at www.nlpinfo.com - MindSync.
Listening to theta waves at 5Khz - mood went ip, felt
playful and some fantasies began floating thru my head.

Friday 10/11/96
Thoughts in a good state:
1) List of printouts with bugs doesn't annoy me, but
actually brings some joy - like sorting through my emails.

2) Calm, non-compulsive drive toward order. Not "clean
everything at once!", but go slowly.

3) Less tendency to do several tasks at a time.

4) Peace of mind, calm in the middle of storm.
*
Convincing others starts with myself.
When I have desire and inspiration, I do something myself,
and others follow.
When I can't convince myself to do something, I don't have
a chance of convincing others.