Tuesday 11/12/96
"I wanna be a human being, not a human doing".
*
A while ago I had a thought "Do not doubt the ones I entrust
my car (health, taxes) with". If I doubt them, I may
interfere with them doing their job and will worry
excessively.
(Enthropy: "Oh yeah, so I'll have to trust them completely,
let them run amock?")

This relates to a discovery I've made: "Easiest way to block
the good from coming to me is to double other people's good
intentuons".

These are two pieces of a puzsle:
To be trustworthy - believe in my own good intensions, so I
don't suppress them
To trust - believe that others mean well too, otherwise I
will be blocking the good from coming to me.

Remember how Tony Robbins said that we must trust unknown
people, otherwise how can we possibly drive on narrow,
single lane roads?
*
Pleasant thought - happiness is where I am.
I don't have to run or do anything special to catch the
bluebird of happiness - she's always with me.
Where I am, is a good place to be.

Wednesday 11/13/96
Here's a third piece of the trust puzzle.
When other person wants to share a problem with me, but
instead attacks me (like at work, when there's a software
glitch, they may say "Did you break it on purpose?" or "We
should have just kept using paper instead of computers"), I
feel that they are trying to hurt me, not solve the problem.
What I hear is either "You are a bad programmer" or even
"You are a fraud".

And this is where it gets intereting. I feel hurt. And at
this moment, I am inclined to believe that their actual goal
is to humiliate me (as opposed to the more likely truth
- they are just not expressing themselves very well).
And if I belive that other person is doing something out of
malice, I don't feel a slightest desire to help him or solve
the problem. A helpless feeling occurs, followed by
aggression.
After that, my defense starts working (bad intent leads to
bad intent) and I can either mock them back, or just ignore
the problem.

Breaking this loop is possible, if I remember that other
person does NOT mean me harm. It's hard to do, but possible.
If I learn to do this, I'll be able to see through the
hurtful words and provide the help they need, instead of
counter-attacking.

This also fits in with the thougt that communication has
informational and emotional components.

"Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing".
*
Believing in purity of other's intent (despite occasional
skirmishes) is easier, if I remember that I hardly ever
have negative intent toward others, although I may mock them
too.
*
BTW, the fact that I may believe in others being evil, as
well as that others may see me as evil, is not surprising,
since I often doubt my own goodness.