Friday 02/14/97
Peak state - not only conflicts disappear, but also
irrelevant thoughts and distractions.

Like closing all the junk processes in the system and
having entire CPU dedicated to the task at hand.
*
Tried altering a mental command from "I will not think
about that" to "I don't want to think about that".
Seems to work better.
*
It feels great to imagine how one day I will get rid of
every belief that is not mine and have a grand time!
*
People forget about my successes - this is normal.
However, I forget about them as well - this is worse.
Perhaps I should link them somehow, so they remain
in subconscious?
I could create an anchor "Success" and reinforce it
each time I achieve something.

Done - used the same gesture for the anchors as the
"3 Stooges" in the end of war shop movie where they
say "Success!" :)
*
I said this to myself and felt surprised:
"I love people when I don't have to fear them".
*
"Success is an ability to create pleasure in your life
and cause yourself to grow".
"Failure is ability to find a fault, no matter how good
the circumstances are".
(Anthony Robbins)

Saturday 02/15/97
The supposition that I HAVE to empathize with others - be tied to
them with mental strings - comes from the presupposition that I am basically bad.
That is, assumption that unless I am forced to do good things, I won't.
Sounds like Inner Judge alright.
Truth is, I AM GOOD.
(THOUGH WHEN I VIEW JUDGE AS PERMANENT PART OF ME, I CANNOT SAY THAT -
I HATE HIM).

Monday 02/17/97
Visualization - when I stretch my hands forward and take a deep breath,
I imagine the sound of the air zooming past me and me flying.
*
Discovered a new sensual move - slowly move a paper clip over the
fingers. Some spots are very sensitive, almost feeling sparks flowing.
*
In physical relations there is no such thing as "been there, done that".
Every stage is awesome and deserves attention.
For example, if I am only allowed to touch a hand, I could do that
for hours and it's magnificient.
*
Idea - a game of limitations in a relationship.
Pick yourself a limit (like a lottery limit) and decided that
you will not cross it... or the task could be to make
the partner cross it first.
Maybe this is what teasing is about.

Tuesday 02/18/97
Doing good thing and not getting positive response
doesn't feel that good. But what's the alternative ?
Suppressing good feelings, being afraid that they will never
be returned ? No way, man!
*
Romance ends abruptly when I no longer can make a girl happy.

Assumptions:
1) I am the one who makes her miserable
2) Thus, I have to feel bad myself
Conclusion:
Run!
*
The thought "people are miserable because of me" is a widespread belief,
which deserves contemplating.
One thing - if I believe that, the best I can do for people is
stay away from them. Which I often do.

Wednesday 02/19/97
New affirmation:
I am a blessing.
Everybody loves me.

Sounds rebelous, doesn't it ?
So, good!
*
There seems to be a hidden hypocrisy in the requirement
that you can only love someone of the opposite gender.
What about myself? I am same gender as me!

Thursday 02/20/97
When inside the 'anger', it does feel safer than guilt.
Thus, the guilt->anger path.

Friday 02/21/97
I noticed that I often have fearful expectactation
when there is a phone call or a letter arrives.
Something like: "What bad thing is coming now?".
*
Sometimes keeping a task list has adverse effect - I look at it, see
how many unsolved items there are and feel immobilized.
*
After looking at my current life situation, I came to conclusion that
it's as f**ng close to perfect as it gets!
(So it's all about getting the inner state to keep up with good
outer world).
*
Affirmation: I am where I have to be.
*
When I want to laugh, I can just do that.
It's not at all required for everyone around to know
or understand the reason for laughter.
*
Affirmation: There is no conflict
*
Affirmation: I do what I want and will get what I want.