Tuesday 07/09/96
Two sides of the coin: just like I cannot demand gratitude from
others when I give him something; the same way, others cannot
force me to enjoy what they brought to me.
*
Fear of joking shows with people, where I don't know their
attitudes on the subject.
Example - joke about Jesus that I heard in the Center - funny, but
I am not sure if should put it on a web page.
*
I feel good when I realize I can now myself do something that I used to
depend on others for.
*
Conflict - taking care of my own stuff and being too attached to things.
*
Guaranteed way to lose control - see everything as if it's matter of
life or death.
*
Fear "boss will ask me what I am doing" goes away when I am certain
that I am doing what I should.
Or what I shouldn't.
As long as I am not procrastinating.

Friday 07/12/96
Possible problem with the "do you need help?" method -
offering help when I am not really capable of helping.
When I don't feel good, I need to work on improving my
state - not try solving other's problems.
*
Low self-esteem is a bummer not only for me, but also
for those who surround me.
I get really defensive and snap back.
*
Observation - when in unresourceful state, I jump to other task before
even getting to the middle of 1st. This is different from resourceful
state when I am really open to possibilities.
*
Not believing in my ability to find solution throws me right back into
unresourcefulness.

Monday 07/15/96
Self-Esteem (SE) is directly linked to ability to give (am I guoting Dyer?) -
if I don't like myself, what value is my giving ?
*
Observation: SE drops when something unexplained happens in
my area of expertise.
*
Unresourceful state - came up with something to do - for example
sorting out jokes to put on web site. Guilt comes in: "What, read jokes
at work ?", as well as low SE "So, who's gonna read your site anyway?"
*
Old belief - not only me, but also those around me must have no
problems - only then can I feel good.