Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
Email me
Back to main page
Saturday 01/18/97
It's very unmotivating when I spent time and effort to
implement something, but all others see is the shortcomings.
Instead of thinking "once I get this done, I will feel
better", use the belief "where I am, things are ok". Stop
the race - not because there's no place to go, but because
"wherever you go - there you are".

Tuesday 01/21/97
Thoughts in positive state:
1) I am doing the right thing. No rush.
2) Satisfaction.
3) All life is still ahead of me!
4) There are interesting things to do.
5) Life is a game.
6) No worries, I can handle everything on my plate.
7) Calm + thoroughness.
Interestingly, the feeling of calm does not diminish the
ability to be vigilant for problems.
Answering the question "What's important?" -
"To feel good".
Nothing more, nothing less.
I feel inner resistance, inner voices are arguing against
it, but I'll give it a damn good try.
One of the voices nags: "You can end up drinking a lot this
Reply: "If I am on the road to success, but feeling bad on
the way, the drinking is unavoidable. But if I feel good,
things are different".

Note that we are talking not ability, but permission
to feel good.
There is something sensual in problem-solving. The solution
cannot escape me, it's like a vampire chasing a human.
The temprorary setbacks are like foreplay.
Inner voice: "Damn, what am I going to do tonight?"
Answer: "Whatever I do, I am going to feel good".
When something starts to worry me, I remind myself that it
is unimportant. The only important thing is feeling good.
I have to do that pretty often, but so what ?
All the inner dialogs tend to repeat, but now I have one
extra affirmation.
The trap of False Importance:
I want to do something > it's important > it has to be done
> if I don't do it, it will be disaster! > fear > protest >
I don't do it.

Looks like I need to break the link from "I want to do it"
and "It has to be done".

Monday 01/27/97
Conflict: doing thing hastily to get out of pressure VS
When things are tough, I feel myself stronger and more
When situation calms down, I am back in a rut.

Tuesday 01/28/97
Curious conflict - when I feel I should call someone, I dial
the number and hope that noone will pick up.
Capability to be kind after being attacked reaffirms
my strength, since I haven't yielded to the Dark Side...
once again.
Thus, I remain whole and independent.
In waking life, nobody will agree that entire world is in my
imagination. But in a dream, they don't agree with me
either, even though I am right!
In a movie, father was lecturing his daughter for refusing
to accept her mother's gift. If it was me, I would take the
gift, thank the giver and put it in a dark closet. Am I more
honorable for doing this?
Perhaps, since I take care not to disappoint the person.
While ego boost is like jump start, winning in chess
is slightly different. It's confidence boost - like testing
battery to show it's fully loaded!
Opponent who's building his own attack is more dangerous
than one that spends time defending against my potential
Example of working half-strength - a good song is playing, I
often sing along with it in full voice, but now there are
people around me, and I feel words getting stuck in my

Wednesday 01/29/97
Can knowledge of hormonal predisposition be helpful
un understanding & improving self ?

Was talking to a girl at work - she was talking about
qualities many women share, and I was recognizning many in
myself. Like, mood swings, tendency to interpret every word,
Sincere compliment can be a beginning of interesting