Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
Email me
Back to main page
Monday 10/21/96
Creation and creativity has same root.
Our imagination creates words which live independently from
us, and after us.

Example: "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" movie; the stories that
Freddy Benson told - he lied, but the stories lived their
own live, they were touching and caused people to do kind
deeds. He was a creator too.

Thursday 10/24/96
"First do what's on your mind, then - what others want you to do".
Was riding my bike, observed that I am feling pretty bored
and immediately got a flat tire.
No more boredom, immediate motivation, in a few minutes I
had a plan of action and soon enough the problem was solved.

Now, the question - is it possible that this was an example
of how The Force helps me achieve my main goal: "To be in
resourceful state, no matter what?".
When I look at the mirror, I see my room reflecting there.
Does the mirror show anything when I am not looking?
I told Yuri that Universe might come up with a serious
challenge for me, to help me achieve my goal of resourceful

He said that if this is the case, there's nothing left to
fear - as soon as major trouble occurs, I will stop
fighting myself, will mobilize all my resource and will
overcome any obstacle.

It always happens that way - when problem is serious enough
to affect my well-being, I get going and soon resolve all
the issues.
I get really peeved when somebody nags me to fix a problem,
but doesn't allow me to go ahead and work on it in peace.
Unresourceful state - I know that there are things that
might help me feel better, but I don't want to do them.
Rush, impatience.
The state remains even after external source of annoyance is
Example of "whole is more than sum of parts" - brain can
solve a single big problem with ease, but gets stuck on a
pile of small ones, trying to address them all at the same
Had an impulse and paid a sincere compliment to a co-worker
- noticed how calm she is when talkng on the phone.
Such compliments are nice to say and to hear.
And there's no flattery here.
Sometimes, the very sound of phone ringing drives me crazy,
but she remains cool and collected.

Sincere compliments remind me that I am not competing with
anyone. When someone has a positive feature, I can remark
on it, unless I am troubled that I don't have it myself.
State of Nirvana - sharpened senses of perception - hearing,
sight, smell.

I am looking at the surrounding world and being awed - such
excellent graphics!
What a perfect multi-channel sound!
How many choices I have in this game called Life!

Indeed, the World is programmed perfectly. As I move, the
view of all the objects is constantly changing. No matter
how close I come, the picture is perfect, without

In real life, sometimes I avoid trying new things - but in
adventure game, would I turn down a chance to try something, just
because it may not work?

Oh yeah, another cool piece of programming in the World -
the sense of taste. So much variety.

And what about states, like extacy? The rush of gambling?
Or romance?

And if the entire world is a game, isn't it cool that I can
play computer games *inside* the game?

And what about variety of ways to move around the world?
Walking, riding a bike or my moped?
And ability to get there fast in a car, what a Rain program
is running? (Such a believable rain too!)

A wonderful taste and smell of Fudge Rounds cookies?

And what about the fact that world is being changed and
reprogrammed - I can return to the places where I've been
long time ago, only to find out that everything has changed
and I can explore them once again!

And programmability - evey player here has a chance to
change the game... and usually it only gets better! And if
not... the Chief Programmer takes over - time passes, and
the former military object is covered with grass and
abandoned junkyard becomes a jungle once again.

And what about humor? Isn't it here to remind me, that
there's nothing serious in a Game?