Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Friday 10/25/96
When I pause a song, it often keeps playing in my head. Can use this
for my advantage - pick a song that cheers me up, stop it
in the middle and let it ring inside me.
Sometimes computers and peripherals appear broken, but start
working again when I move them.
Is that how "inaminate" objects tell us that they want to travel ?

Monday 10/28/96
Thought - I shouldn't punish myself for being in a bad mood
in the morning, just be open to the events that may make me
feel better.
Example - somebody brought a toddler to work, toddler
whines, I am annoyed. At the same time I blame myself for
being impatient. Instead, just enjoy the silence which will
come once they leave.
Being annoyed at co-workers - sometimes I get them to
do some boring task instead of doing it myself, and then get mad
becayse they did it wrong.
Maybe I am mad at myself, since I complicated my life,
instead of simplifying it.
About observing the process - for example I am looking at
the old printer, which is trying to print labels
When I am conscious, I notice that it's interesting to look
at, thoughts are calm and even creative.
You can almost think that things also want to attract attention, just like
people. And they do it ... by breaking.. just like
people, they are not caring that attention could be
Maybe they are trying to tell me that the secret of success
is being interested in them?
So, maybe if I show the interest myself, they won't have the
desire to break.
BTW, this fits into the notion that entropy tends to grow -
if I don't touch a piece of my sofrware, or a printer, it
starts breaking up.
Example of "past doesn't equal the future" - the fact that
I've left a month's worth of emails to pile up, doesn't
matter that I can't answer them now. So, I did.
Answering to pending letters is absolutely the best way to get a flux
of new ones. Surprise!
Was talking to a lady from the Resources For Living
newsletter, mentioned that prosperity wasn't a worthy goal
in USSR, when I lived there. She said: "Strange that there's
a country whgere cultural bias against prosperity".
Nothing strange to me - if I believe there's not enough for
everybody, then the one who has more, has probably done it
by taking away from others.
soshels'a tol'ko dl'a prodazhi).
When I don't have something, first thought should be "But do
I want it?", before I get disappointed about lack. For
example - passing by the elections posters and thinking
"Bummer, I can't vote". Then I remembered that I never
really cared about politics.
In my dreams, when I look at clocks, they don't work. Any
chance this could mean that time doesn't exist?
Attitude of hoarding everything could be a protest against
hypocritical nagging about "Give to others, but not to