Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Wednesday 10/09/96
Conflict in decision making: on one hand, it's more useful
to make up my mind and then tell others. On the other hand,
deciding is hard and I am tempted to get somebody else make
the choice for me.

For example, I need to make some product recommendations for
my boss. If I bring all alternatives to him, he'll ask what
my preference is - but I don't have one, the reason I came
to him is because I don't know what to choose.
Observation the beginning of unresourceful state:
What should I do next?
Got some chores.
But I don't feel like doing them!
Guilt that I am not doing what I should blocks the
thinking, no other thoughts come, breathing gets shallow.
So, I do something that doesn't require thinking - like
checking email.
At the meeting, if I talk slowly and thoughtfully, other
people may get involved in discussion, instead of just
blanking out.

Thursday 10/10/96
There's extre attention to other's opinions, when I am in
apathy. Pwehaps this is an attempt to find a new goal to
move toward.
Noticed that when I have a clear goal, I don't bother to
think how others may feel about it.
Best ideas come up when I stop thinking about it on foreground,
but background is still active.
Found a new software at - MindSync.
Listening to theta waves at 5Khz - mood went ip, felt
playful and some fantasies began floating thru my head.

Friday 10/11/96
Thoughts in a good state:
1) List of printouts with bugs doesn't annoy me, but
actually brings some joy - like sorting through my emails.

2) Calm, non-compulsive drive toward order. Not "clean
everything at once!", but go slowly.

3) Less tendency to do several tasks at a time.

4) Peace of mind, calm in the middle of storm.
Convincing others starts with myself.
When I have desire and inspiration, I do something myself,
and others follow.
When I can't convince myself to do something, I don't have
a chance of convincing others.