Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Saturday 11/09/96
Listening to an some audio notes I've been recording on microcassetes.
Interesting how I can sometimes hear myself pausing to pick a right
word - and I finally do, it's the same one I'd pick now.
Expression and perception are 2 poles and both free
expression and free (unobstructed) perception are necessary.
Forgiveness - I am going to forgive myself. As I recall my
past misdeeds, I will let them go one at a time.
Lying is a method to avoid accusation. Not punishment
itself, but the accusation, unpleasant feelings.
From too many negative associations comes helplessness
(can't gain control) => anger => hate.
Motivation disappears not due external circumstances, but
due to a lack of inner solidarity.
Internalization of God	- if God is inside us, then love for
Gos is also self-love.
I have picked current incarnation in order to express
myself the best I can.
("This is the deck of cards I've been dealt, so I'll make
the most of it")
Belief that love requires me to worry is a direct road to

Monday 11/11/96
The equality of intents - if my intent is pure, then there
won't ne negative intents directed at me either.
Manifestation may be bad, but not the intent.

And if I remember that having a good intent is all I need,
and I like myself, and I have a positve attitude, then I
can receive the good that comes my way, as well as see
through the bad - see that it's really NOT directed at me.

When I am not struggling with myself, it's much easier to
see what others want and what they are fighting against - my
vision is not fogged.
Addition to the 'nothing is as easy as it seems' expression:
'nothing is as hard as it seems'.
Both add up to "Nothing is at seems".
Dig this - the way to block the flow of good is to view your good intent
as bad and then prevent its manifesting! By doing that, at
the extreme, I will see all my actions as evil and will
enter absolute procrastination state.

I've done that before.
Interesting, did I really consider myself being so evil?
I guess it depends on the goal - if I wanted to enforce
ideal manifestrtion I was doomed to failure, but kept trying
it anyway, thinking that good intent is not good enuogh. But it is!

Here's an example - I have a cool idea, thinking about
posting it online, but see that manifestation may not be
ideal: people may not undersrtand or they may not
appreaciate, or I won't be able to express it right.
Result - I do nothing.

Sometimes I even get mad at the good intents, since they put
me before a necessity to decide - whether to manifest or

Possibly, when raising a child, in order to prevent him
from becoming perfectionist ("ideal manifestation is a
must", "nothing is good enough"), it's important to be in
good state myself, and see past the appearances.
When I an experiencing inner turnoil, child will annoy
me, even though they don't mean anything bad. He'll be
punished again and again, until he begins believing that
he's evil.
It's not possible to require a person to be tolerant, if
he's criticizing himself constantly.
Ability to listen to others (and in general, interest toward
others) grows immensely when I experience inner quiet.