Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Tuesday 11/12/96
"I wanna be a human being, not a human doing".
A while ago I had a thought "Do not doubt the ones I entrust
my car (health, taxes) with". If I doubt them, I may
interfere with them doing their job and will worry
(Enthropy: "Oh yeah, so I'll have to trust them completely,
let them run amock?")

This relates to a discovery I've made: "Easiest way to block
the good from coming to me is to double other people's good

These are two pieces of a puzsle:
To be trustworthy - believe in my own good intensions, so I
don't suppress them
To trust - believe that others mean well too, otherwise I
will be blocking the good from coming to me.

Remember how Tony Robbins said that we must trust unknown
people, otherwise how can we possibly drive on narrow,
single lane roads?
Pleasant thought - happiness is where I am.
I don't have to run or do anything special to catch the
bluebird of happiness - she's always with me.
Where I am, is a good place to be.

Wednesday 11/13/96
Here's a third piece of the trust puzzle.
When other person wants to share a problem with me, but
instead attacks me (like at work, when there's a software
glitch, they may say "Did you break it on purpose?" or "We
should have just kept using paper instead of computers"), I
feel that they are trying to hurt me, not solve the problem.
What I hear is either "You are a bad programmer" or even
"You are a fraud".

And this is where it gets intereting. I feel hurt. And at
this moment, I am inclined to believe that their actual goal
is to humiliate me (as opposed to the more likely truth
- they are just not expressing themselves very well).
And if I belive that other person is doing something out of
malice, I don't feel a slightest desire to help him or solve
the problem. A helpless feeling occurs, followed by
After that, my defense starts working (bad intent leads to
bad intent) and I can either mock them back, or just ignore
the problem.

Breaking this loop is possible, if I remember that other
person does NOT mean me harm. It's hard to do, but possible.
If I learn to do this, I'll be able to see through the
hurtful words and provide the help they need, instead of

This also fits in with the thougt that communication has
informational and emotional components.

"Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing".
Believing in purity of other's intent (despite occasional
skirmishes) is easier, if I remember that I hardly ever
have negative intent toward others, although I may mock them
BTW, the fact that I may believe in others being evil, as
well as that others may see me as evil, is not surprising,
since I often doubt my own goodness.