Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Wednesday 11/20/96
Noticed that being apologetic is very common on the
Internet. As soon as person says something unfashionable, he
immediate tries to justify himself in parenthesis.
Earlier this year I had my first partial
Out of Body Experience - I wasn't able
to see anything and my hands were immaterial, one of them
passed through the other.
Can't do this just by closing eyes, since sense if touch is
still there.
Conflict: Choosing to focus my mind on positive things VS
"don't close my eyes to the problems".
It's hard to talk to someone when I feel like my current
task is very important and they are distracting me.
Truth is, the only importance of the task is how it makes me

Thursday 11/21/96
How can I keep joy when somebody is not sharing it?
Perhaps by allowing myself to feel good regardless of
I am surprised when I find out that somebody else is
interested in a same thing that I am.
Saw 2 Internet users in a supermarket and was surprised,
even though there's gotta be tons of them.
Showing interest to what other person is doing can lead to
long, interesting converation.
Phenomenology - philosophy that states that world exists
only in our perception.
Following a first impulse is a good idea. But what about
impulses that suggest I do something that might lead to an
Parallel between memory and web search - I need a keyword
(association) to find the relevant pages (recall an event)/
Method to avoid an argument: look disinterested.
Some metaphysical/psychological quotes from Star Wars fan

"... to pay the price of physical decay demanded by the dark side."
Confirmed - giving it to negative, aggressive emotions is

"Perhaps the dark side was the most unforgiving Master of all"

"By itself, the dark side is a thing of chaos and
irrationality.	It has no control, no
conscience, no restraint.  But domination is its goal.
There is a bargain to be made with it.	It gives you power
and exacts its price.  In order to let the power flow
through you, you must let the destructive emotions flow
through you."
Sounds like Enthropy!

"When rage leads directly to results, a sense of the
omnipotence of expressed rage grows."

"Second by second, fear began to grow; inside Zelotes, like
a living thing that was born there and was eating his will
in order to increase in size."

"The way of the dark side was the way of isolation, of
personal aggrandizement at the expense of all other
Complete outer freedom leads to loneliness.

Friday 11/22/96
Sometimes I am in no hurry to achieve the result and I even
find pleasure in being thorough.
Defensive reaction appears instantly when a
judgemental person asks me what I am doing.
Stereotype appears as a method to avoid communication with a
However, usually a stereotype ends up covering a lot of
other people as well, even though it may not apply to them
Quote that confirms my theory of things:

"Machinery does what it was built to do.  Nothing more,
nothing less.  If it fails, it's somebody else's fault.
It's nothing personal, so don't kick it and don't get mad at
it.  What you have to do is put yourself in it's brake
shoes.	Is the oil-pressure gone?  Well--you have to ask
yourself--how would you like to eat a hard-boiled egg that's
been rolled in sand?  You see, you can "feel" its pain."
When I suddenly switch from lack to abundance, Enthropy
says: "Oh yeah, and how will you be able to handle all
Feling the Force - sometimes I feel presence of people
begind my back. For example, boss approaches, he hasn't
made any sounds, but I know it's him.
Conflict - a good idea comes, I feel lazy to write it down
and guilty not to.
An exercise for calming down - walk one circle around the
office. Most important is, the motion has to be without a
specific goal.