Wednesday 11/20/96 Noticed that being apologetic is very common on the Internet. As soon as person says something unfashionable, he immediate tries to justify himself in parenthesis. * Earlier this year I had my first partial Out of Body Experience - I wasn't able to see anything and my hands were immaterial, one of them passed through the other. Can't do this just by closing eyes, since sense if touch is still there. * Conflict: Choosing to focus my mind on positive things VS "don't close my eyes to the problems". * It's hard to talk to someone when I feel like my current task is very important and they are distracting me. Truth is, the only importance of the task is how it makes me feel. Thursday 11/21/96 How can I keep joy when somebody is not sharing it? Perhaps by allowing myself to feel good regardless of others. * I am surprised when I find out that somebody else is interested in a same thing that I am. Saw 2 Internet users in a supermarket and was surprised, even though there's gotta be tons of them. * Showing interest to what other person is doing can lead to long, interesting converation. * Phenomenology - philosophy that states that world exists only in our perception. * Following a first impulse is a good idea. But what about impulses that suggest I do something that might lead to an overload? * Parallel between memory and web search - I need a keyword (association) to find the relevant pages (recall an event)/ * Method to avoid an argument: look disinterested. * Some metaphysical/psychological quotes from Star Wars fan fiction": "... to pay the price of physical decay demanded by the dark side." Confirmed - giving it to negative, aggressive emotions is self-destructrive. "Perhaps the dark side was the most unforgiving Master of all" "By itself, the dark side is a thing of chaos and irrationality. It has no control, no conscience, no restraint. But domination is its goal. There is a bargain to be made with it. It gives you power and exacts its price. In order to let the power flow through you, you must let the destructive emotions flow through you." Sounds like Enthropy! "When rage leads directly to results, a sense of the omnipotence of expressed rage grows." "Second by second, fear began to grow; inside Zelotes, like a living thing that was born there and was eating his will in order to increase in size." "The way of the dark side was the way of isolation, of personal aggrandizement at the expense of all other relationships." Complete outer freedom leads to loneliness. Friday 11/22/96 Sometimes I am in no hurry to achieve the result and I even find pleasure in being thorough. * Defensive reaction appears instantly when a judgemental person asks me what I am doing. * Stereotype appears as a method to avoid communication with a person. However, usually a stereotype ends up covering a lot of other people as well, even though it may not apply to them * Quote that confirms my theory of things: "Machinery does what it was built to do. Nothing more, nothing less. If it fails, it's somebody else's fault. It's nothing personal, so don't kick it and don't get mad at it. What you have to do is put yourself in it's brake shoes. Is the oil-pressure gone? Well--you have to ask yourself--how would you like to eat a hard-boiled egg that's been rolled in sand? You see, you can "feel" its pain." * When I suddenly switch from lack to abundance, Enthropy says: "Oh yeah, and how will you be able to handle all this?" * Feling the Force - sometimes I feel presence of people begind my back. For example, boss approaches, he hasn't made any sounds, but I know it's him. * Conflict - a good idea comes, I feel lazy to write it down and guilty not to. * An exercise for calming down - walk one circle around the office. Most important is, the motion has to be without a specific goal.