Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Thursday 08/15/96
How to refuse, without hurting the other person:
Me: Would you like to test ride my bike?
Other: Sure, you bet! Not today, but certainly!

Friday 08/16/96
From a customer support site:
"We feel badly about the problems customers have experienced
downloading Microsoft IE".
This seems to confirm my theory: "We believe tnat
we do somebody a favor by feeling bad".

Monday 08/19/96
Conflict in goal setting:
If I set the goal as 'find something', I'll fail if I don't.
If I say 'look for something', I might stop too early.
Observing my feelings without saying "you shouldn't
feel that way" is like listening to a friend without judging.
It makes sense to tell the truth when I mess up - the
punishment cannot be as bad as the guilt. At any rate,
if guils is intensifying, it could be the signal that
time is coming to confess.
Conflict - taking the blame, as Carnegie recommends
vs not allowing other people to drain my energy.
Observing my feelings during the argument. One side of
me is ready for battle, to provde that I am right.
Other side doesn't give a damn, it just wants to leave
and go surf the Web.
I feel that, the more I fight, the more significance I give to
the subject of argument - the worse I feel.

Wednesday 08/21/96
More confirmations that I create reality:
1) Fall of client-server in favor of Intranet.
2) Demise of online services with the rise of Internet.
3) Stumbling of commercial software, as shareware takes over -
practically every vendor offers free trials.
4) Creation of streaming audio (long ago, I had an idea of
playing MOD music file by processing as it downloads).
'On hold' messages, like "your call is important to us" -
they reduce anxiety of those who are calling.
Synergy - state of harmony, without conflicts, with
improved creativity.
"Guilt is something I rarely have the pleasure to
experience.  Either I do not worry about what I do, or I do
not do what results in worry."

Monday 08/26/96
Observation of how procrastination may begin - I want to ask
someone for advice, but tell myself that I handle the
problem myself. However, I don't have the desire to do it
myself. Deadlock.
Perso who keeps insisting on how sorry he is, beging to get
annoying, since I have to constantly convince him that he's
not at fault.
Sometimes Personal Enhropy works its way into jokes. When
it happens, my intent is muddled and other person may feel

Tuesday 08/27/96
Talking to Lois (author Closet Rebel's Guide to Personal
> Who are these people who do call themselves
> Masters ?  Are they frauds ?
> Or is it possible to reach spriritual peak and totally
> forget what was the reason for climbing ?
Hey, you're good. i heard there is an astral layer where
people can do parlour tricks and pull in a lot of power to
use, without heart...
Situation: "Co-worker calls me in panic, asks for help. In
the middle of the call says he needs to do something else
and leaves". I feel stressed, since it looks like I should
be doing something, but I don't have enough information.
My friend Yuri says:
"I look at such situations calmly. When it happens to me,
I realize that co-worker has more important things to do,
and so do I".
Me: "So, just forget it till they call again?"
Yuri: "You got it".

Friday 08/30/96
Conflict - hasty solution to relieve pressure of indecision
VS put away and never get back to it.

Thursday 09/05/96
Best way to listen when somebody interrupts me: stop talking
and look interested. My boss does this and it feels very
From a song "One day I shall be released by my Creator".
Assuming that we can't find freedom ourselves, until we are
given permission from above.  And there is plenty of
evidence that we can't. And some examples that we can.
"You use the word, "we," a lot.  I've got news for you.  We
are going to do nothing.  You're going to do your thing, and
I'm gonna do mine."

Tuesday 09/10/96
Two only feelings - Love and Fear.
These are light and dark sides.

Wednesday 09/11/96
Business scenario - observing the flow of feelings.
I have a motorized bicycle called Bike
Machine. A firm that sells similar motors
told me that they will give me percentage if I refer buyers.
First reaction - cool, I don't have to do anything, and the
money will flow!
Next, energy boost - let's make a little handout I can give
to people who are interested.
Then doubt - what if I lose the pleasure of riding? What if
I'll only ride in the places where I can see maximum
potential customers?
What if I lose my friendly attitude toward people who ask me
questions about my bike? After all, their interest
determines whether I will get my referral fee.
Is the money worth the worry?

Let's look at it this way. The product is excellent, as
far as I know, so I can remain honest.
Buyer doesn't care what happens to his money after he's made
the purchase. The company benefits, since they get more
Frankly, everybody wins, so it looks like something that
Anthony Robbins called "creating value".

So, what's the catch?
Possibly, in my goals.
Let's get clear on the goals then.
The goal is the same as before, to keep riding and
get enjoyment from my magnificient Bike Machine.
Is somebody is seriously interested, tell them where they
can buy such a motor. But be honest - since I know that
there is another alternative that costs less and yet another
that has more bells and whistles.

Thursday 09/12/96
I feel that, when talking about common human problems,
speaking in the first person is the right approach.
it feels right and when I talk about self, I can actually
change something rather than just whining about how bad
the world is.

Tuesday 09/17/96
Yuri came up with an idea: "Compose stories while in a
lucid dream".
This could be promising - the imagination in lucid dream is
expanded and there are more chances to remember what I
composed, than in a regular dream.
"He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but
he who never asks a question remains a fool forever."

"A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step."

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the
mysterious.  It is the source of all true art and all
science.  He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no
longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as
dead:  his eyes are closed."

"There are no guarantees.  From the viewpoint of fear, none
are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are

"Vision without action is a daydream.  Action without vision
is a nightmare."

"We more frequently fail to face the right problem than fail
to solve the problem we face."

"When one door closes, another opens.But we often look so
regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one
that has opened for us.  "

"Your current safe boundries were once unknown frontiers."

"The best way to predict your future is to create it!"

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years."

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.  No
machine can do the work of one extraordinary man."