Index page
1. Glossary
2. Personal Enthropy
3. Fears and Conflicts
4. More Inner Conflicts
5. Closet Rebel
6. Observations
7. States of Mind
8. Watching my Feelings
9. Past and Future
10. Automatic Thoughts
11. Self and Others
12. Manipulation
13. World as a Game
14. Inanimate Objects
15. Surfing Scientology
16. 90% Power Solution
16. Feeling Resourceful
17. Intent vs Manifestation
18. A Matter of Trust
19. Levels of Evil
20. The Dark Side
21. Tao of Biking
22. Lose-Lose => Win-Win
23. Approval
24. Conversation is Over
25. Annoyance
26. How the Mind Works
27. Empathy - friend or foe?
28. Life is Actually Perfect
29. Compassion, Structure, Inner Judge
30. "I am kind", Feeling Love
31. Procrastination, slowing down
All The Rest
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Personal Entropy - I think I came up with this term myself. Entropy in the world tends to grow, unless there's organizing force. Houses and roads fall into disrepair unless maintained. Similar thing happens on the personal scale. Things that I put off seem to get harder to get back to as days go by. The fears that I haven't confronted grow stronger. The guilt over losing touch with a loved one increases.

Thus, the name Personal Entropy. It is the part of me that works against my best interest. It keeps me immobilized, prevents me from achieving my goals and makes me feel lousy.

Self Talk - this idea comes from the book What to say when you talk to yourself. Basically, it's a set of affirmations about self, made in present tense. When I record self-talk cassette, I also overlap it with some of my favorite music to increase the effect.
Anchor - I've learned about anchors from Anthony Robbins Personal Power tapes. The goal is to be able to cue a feeling on demand. So when I feel good, I "anchor" a certain movement and phrase to it. Later, repeating this movement, is supposed to help me to recreate the feeling. For example, one of the anchors I set is when everything is going right and I feel unstoppable - I touch two fingers together and say "Smoking!" (like the main character in movie "The Mask").

The anchors work, though I have to admit they don't *totally* reproduce the feeling. But they do make me feel better.

Interrupting the pattern - another idea from Personal Power. Robbins says that the pattern of thinking is like a record which keeps playing over and over. If you scratch the record, it won't be able to play the same way. Same with thinking - if something outrageous or funny happens while I indulge in self-pity thoughts, my state changes and I am not able to keep on feeling bad!
Yuri - one of my best friends. He studies philosophy and is interested in harmonious self-development. We've had many long talks about Life, Universe and Everything. I am grateful to him for a lot of insights.
Ada - her real name is Galya, I nicknamed her Ada, because that's the name of first woman programmner (Ada Lovelace). She taught me a lot. She increased my faith in metaphysics - things that exist, even though they can't be touched and cannot (yet) be proven. Also, from her I got the realization that Star Wars is much more than simple plot and special effects. She gave me he first glimpse of reality of the Force (aka Energy or God) - the long journey toward it and the perils of the easy path.
Deletion - tendency to ignore what is seen, relying instead on memory and/or belief. Example: there's a plaza close to my home. One of the buildings contained some boring shop. I passed by not looking at it twice. One day I noticed that there's a cafe in its place. I came in and found out that they have good food and live music. I asked: "Have you just opened ?". They said: "No, we've been here for 2 months". So, all this time I've been passing by and not seeing the cafe - I remembered that something boring was in that spot, so I deleted it.
(BTW, deletion is one more concept I picked up from Personal Power)
Simplification - taking what's on the surface for the real thing. Accepting what people say about themselves for it's face value. Forgetting how complicated every individual is.
Generalization - the kind of "if you seen one town, you've seen them all" thinking. Blowing the significance of single event out of proportion, so it seems like a solid, statistic data.
Structure - something that's created to organize things, make them more helpful and clear. The Structure becomes malignant once the original purpose is forgotten. Example: I split my webpage into sections, so it's easier to maintain it. Time passes, the sections have been online for a long time. I have new thoughts I want to put on a page, but it would involve changing existing sections or adding new ones. I feel hesitant about doing this - after all, the Structure existed for so long! At this point, the Structure is malignant - instead of helping me, it prevents me from expressing myself.
Laziness - I believe there are two kinds of laziness. One is helpful - it prevents people from taking advantage of me and allows me to be more relaxed. The other kind (I usually associate it with Personal Entropy) is the self-destructive one. It has to do with lack of motivation - when there are things that I want to do, but I rationalize inaction and stay put, all the while feeling bad about it.
Center for Spiritual Living - plays important part in my self-development. They combine psychology and metaphysics, providing a teaching that's non-judgemental, optimistic and encourages individual growth.
Science of Mind - Religious Philosophy, taught in the Center of Spiritual Living and other similar churches. Basic premises:
1) All religious contain the commonalities - these are the Truth.
2) God is all there is.
3) We create our life by our thinking - complete personal responsibility.